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Ayanna Witter-Johnson/Education /But my body said NO!

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But my body said NO!

Gutted! I don’t even want to write this rant but I do wanna keep it real on this blog and share how I’m actually feeling.

So, I’ve just woken up having slept clean through my alarm, which was supposed to go off at 19:00 so I could get to my Yang Yin class this evening.   I’ve been looking forward to this yoga class ALL day! Seriously?!

What I want to do, is breathe and let it go but all I keep doing is replaying the fact that I didn’t stick to the plan. My mind made a decision (yesterday) – said yes. But my body (in the moment) said NO! And it’s the fact that I can’t argue with my body that’s so frustrating. I’ve been called a ‘professional sleeper’ because when my body goes to sleep, that’s IT! No, light nap, just out cold! Most of the time, that suits me fine and occasionally (like today) it doesn’t! And I feel out of control when my body takes over like this. Grrr…. This is actually the second time this has happened to me within the past week. But worse than that, is considering how hard I’ve worked today, why do I find it so hard to ease up on myself?

I was in Maidstone today. Our final day of creating and collaborating with the dancers before the show tomorrow. I’m so impressed with the young geniuses I’ve been working with for the past few days. Creating a 25 minute music/dance collaboration from scratch and it’s just so good! Full of emotional depth and variety. I’m genuinely stunned! So with all of that and the 100 mile round trip I’ve done daily, I should’ve known better than to try and do a class after all that. Man! Let it go Ayanna, let it go!

So here I am face to face with my taskmaster and it’s unpleasant. And I’m sad because I’m judging myself and I’m finding it hard to ease up on myself because I’ve strayed from what I expected to happen – The almighty to-do list! D’you know what I mean? When you create a vision for your day that you really want to happen and it doesn’t?

Do you push yourself too hard? Or find it tricky to balance your expectations of yourself with living in the moment? Or perhaps have some practical advice for me. If so, or this post resonated with you in some way or reminded you of someone you feel needs to here this, then here are two ways that you can feel better! Or help me feel better 🙂

  1. Leave a comment in the comment section below. I’d love to continue the conversation.
  2. Share it with your friends on Facebook (Ayanna Witter-Johnson) or Twitter (@AyannaWJ)

 

I look forward to seeing you in the next blog post. Hopefully, I’ll feel a little brighter. 

Love, light and yoga!

Ayanna x

 

 

Photograph by Nick Howe Photography

Written By: Ayanna Witter-Johnson

Comments: 8

  • Faye Patton

    Reply April 5, 2016 11:43 pm

    Ayanna! xxx You are way hard on yourself! I came across this randomly just tonight on FB. This blog feature very much resonated with me. I beat myself up all the time about things just like this. Very similar – often to do with the simple human need to sleep, and the need sometimes to really sleep, super-sleep, deep total shutdown above and beyond the 8 hour ration our overloaded, over stimulated urbanised brains and bodies snatch every day on the conveyor belt of the mechanised 20th century working week!! As musicians, athletes of art, deep thinkers, healer-philosophers and messengers from the beyond – we need that extra deep rest – especially if we have been doing a lot and packing it in. A good day of over achievement sometimes leads to an addictive kind of pushing – a bit more, a bit more, push harder – but it’s so important to forgive yourself if you don’t quite meet your own expectations. I could have written this post, believe me – it all goes on in my head instead and every other single soul you know (and whom you don’t) who is sensitive, intelligent, ambitious, trying to achieve something. You are not alone. Hopefully by now you will have got your mojo back and feeling less sad and less task-masterly. I could say loads more, there are mental tips and tools for keeping the inner voices of self punishment at bay. For now I offer a change of perspective. Sounds like your body said YES. YES to dreams, yes to downtime, off the clock time, road less travelled, off piste, random time, yes to that scary moment when everything goes upside down and best laid plans have plans of their own, yes to that sublime, sacred and mysterious moment when we realise that there is a hidden hand and that our control is an illusion. As creative artists we sow a great many things in the vibrational god/dess-matrix of time and space (you what what I mean!) – strong intention and imagination. We act over and over again on our dreams and desires and design routines and regimes to reach our goals. But…part of manifestation is the moment of allowing the energy to flow back towards you in very mysterious ways. Getting out of the way. The main and most accessible way this happens is SLEEP. This is true whether you are trying to create a perfect yoga body, a crowd funding campaign, beat an addiction, heal from bereavement, plan a long term career trajectory or become the best instrumentalist you can be. It’s universal. Know that you’re blessed and fortunate to be a ‘professional sleeper’ – you have access to the source and this will bring you everything you want and need (and so much more) than even the most excellent ‘doingness’ of waking life. I know it’s a topsy turvy perspective. But once in a while it really is ok to miss something because you slept through it. You went somewhere and did something equally important. Your body, (mind, spirit and soul) said YES. I have more to say – about the importance of dreams, specifically. But this is enough for now. Sleep well, Faye xxxx

  • Bill Hubbard

    Reply April 5, 2016 11:53 pm

    Well, I guess you’re seeing the true rigors of the “business”..You do deserve to pause and take a break…but people will never understand the pressures of performing unless they are in your place….Talk to someone who is doing exactly what you are and see how they balance things…Maybe, you can learn the easier ways to accomplish the goals that are before you?

  • Kapono Carmela

    Reply April 6, 2016 12:15 am

    What kind of nutrition do you eat?? This will improve your daily schedule accuracy and also keep you ahead of the game. Kapono.

  • Chris Cameron

    Reply April 10, 2016 10:36 am

    Hi Ayanna hope you are well…love and best!
    We have to find a way to make our inner critic an inner coach…you work hard,you need to rest too!
    A critic would’nt necessarily understand the emotional/psychological/spiritual/physical aspects of what you do,but a good coach would. A good coach would help you to manage your expectations so that you do not over extend yourself…but be in peak condition at the right time!
    You might need to examine and analyse yourself in order to come up with an effective programme…be totally honest with self though!

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